Six months ago I was in a bad place. I was sad, I was unemployed, I was irritated with life, with work, with myself and I was alone, at least I felt alone. I made some choices that were probably not the best of choices. I was kind of a mess, on the inside at least. Few knew what a mess I was.
Today I am at peace, I am happy, I am loved, I am employed, Im happy with myself and I am in a wonderful peaceful spiritual place in life. Its amazing the changes that can come along with a simple open heart and open mind and by listening to God.
The first thing I had to do to change myself was get a job where, maybe the money wasn’t the most important thing, and maybe the work itself isn’t even important, but the environment itself is a calm, pleasant one. I found it. In the meantime this meant I needed to move, since money wasn’t an important factor in this new job, no longer could I afford the new, fancy apartment. So I have moved. The most important thing I needed to do was reevaluate my life, my relationship with God and with people. Well this is an on going process, and I’ll never stop evaluating this or changing it or trying to improve my own self image and my relationship with my Creator. But in the mean time, while I am working to improve these things I have found a few other diamonds. I have met someone and am no longer in the “alone” state of my life. He has shown me that even as early and soon as it may seem, my life will never be the same again. I have found my equal, someone who can put me in my place, because he’s just like me J someone who makes me laugh and in recent weeks, my day is not complete until I’ve heard his voice. Someone who I feel safe, secure, relaxed and amazing with and at the same time have butterflies just thinking of his face.
A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work, a normal day at work, annoyed with co-workers, boss is yelling, trying to get my stuff done and I received an email froma friend, I get them everyday, its an online journal “GOD Issues”. In this particular journal entry, I don’t remember exactly the scripture or the topic of the entire entry, but there was a statement within the entry about God’s love for me. God loves me no matter what, no matter how I behave, whether or not I have the perfect job, whether or not I have the most expensive apartment in town, whether or not I have a good or bad day. GOD loves me, accepts me, knows me, HE created me—what else is there ot ask for? Why should I care about what others do or say? HIS opinion is what matters. I know He loves me. I know that he put me here to make the best decisions I could and live the best life I can. Its me and HIM. So I have this realization, I got up from my computer, went out in to the hallway to the bathroom and had to stop and hold on the railing. I felt as though I might fall over, I teared up, and suddenly I was at total peace. A peace I’ve not felt in a long time. I suddenly knew that I am OK. I am going to be OK. Things are going to go the way they are supposed to go and if by chance they do not, well it’s going to be fine because I’ll choose another path, and God will be by my side to muster through that forest just as he has all the others. Why should I feel sorry for myself? Why should I feel bad about my life? I am blessed beyond measure and am continually blessed. I have an amazing friends, they’re not even friends, they are my family. My blood family is wonderful and amazing and inspiring in every way. And I have brand new people in my life that God and only God placed in my path to walk with and muster through the storms with for reasons that only God knows, and I am finding out along the way.
Things were out of sync for a while, I was making decisions and thinking in ways that I have learned from and grown from---finally things are looking to be amazing. The life I’ve always KNOWN I was meant to live is before me and I am in a better place now than I have been in many many months. I feel as though I am Katie D’Ann Mobley again, there for a while I was just an altered version. Now, thanks to God’s love and inspiration and guidance, I am back to me.
So bring on the rain! I am ready to battle the storm, I’ll make it to that beautiful rainbow some how, someway, I will make it there.
