What can you do?

Eastons next surgery "The Big One", is on March 5, as long as he is healthy and well.
On March 3 we will drive to Ft Worth, the 4th we will have pre--op with the ENT who will place tubes during the procedure, then early on the 5th we will check in to the hospital.

This is a very stressful time for us. We have less than two weeks to get Easton used to a sipp cup, and off his bottle, we have less than 2 weeks to prepare ourselves to hand our baby boy over to someone else, we have less than two weeks until we put our child through major surgery.
TWO WEEKS.

Please respect us, and try to understand if we are not all that friendly or available for a while. We are dealing with a lot of emotions right now that are hard to understand, and I can't even find the right words to vocalize them.

What can you do? we get this a lot.
Pray for us, pray for Easton and his healing, pray for the medical staff at Cooks. Pray for our strength and mental stability through all of this.

This is not "just another surgery", this is major surgery, this is handing our child to virtual strangers and entrusting them with his life. This is a lifestyle change. This is changing the way he eats, swallows, drinks, talks.
This is potentially the end to chronic ear infections and pain. This is potentially the end to constant antibiotics, breathing treatments and sickness.

Say a lot of prayers for all of this.
When we do get home, if you still want to help, continue to pray, and we probably wouldnt decline a meal brought to us :) haha but we dont want or need a lot of visitors.

The hospital is exhausting, we will not sleep, we will hold our baby and watch him for complications, we will call nurses and ask for meds, we might have a minute to eat, we will not leave his side, we will work to get him eating well, and drinking, our focus is totally and completely on him. When he is well and back to himself, it will be time to plan a birthday party and we are going to to it up big time for him and for everyone.

Most importantly we want everything to be as familiar to him as possible. He doesnt understand why he feels weird, hurts, etc....We need everything to be as normal as possible so not to cause even more confusion. More people around than normal could cause more stress.
We want a peaceful, quiet envrionment for him to heal in so that he can come back to himself sooner so that everyone can enjoy him as his usual happy, silly self.

Birthday party, pre-planning will be happening April 6. It all depends on him, how he feels, how he has healed, if he can eat etc....so nothing is set in stone.

D-Day

Well we got the date for the big surgery.

March 5

MUCH earlier than I was prepared for. We have TWO weeks to keep Eastons lungs clear and Ears infection free. TWO weeks for him to go to a sippy cup exclusively. TWO weeks to prepare to see my baby in pain and confused, again.

I was prepared for a date late in March. Late in March or early April was going to give us a chance to celebrate his birthday early, and in a big way, while he is happy and can enjoy it. Now I can't plan anything because its a wait and see game.

He could come through like a champ, and two weeks later be eating and feeling good. And thats what I pray for.

In the mean time the unknown scares me to death.

Dr told us that 12-24 hours in the ICU is not uncommon after this surgery, depending on his breathing etc....to plan for 48 hours in the hospital, although if all is perfect only one night.


God give me strength. Give me peace. Give me the ability to trust these strangers with my baby.
Amen

Overwhelmed

Tomorrow Luke, Easton and I will travel to Fort Worth for a 4 month follow up after Eastons lip repair surgery and we will discuss the next surgery.

In the next week we will find out the date of the palate repair procedure.

To say I am terrified would be an understatement. Anxious, nervous, scared, and totally and completely overwhelmed.

Im not ready to do this again. Im not ready to hand my baby over to these strangers and trust that they will keep him safe while they force foreign objects in to his body and cut and tie and suture. Im not ready for this.

I get so comfortable with how our life is now, I push the fact that this journey is far from over, waaaay to the back caves of my mind and I forget, that anywhere from in the next 30-90 days I will have to do that, again.

I foolishly thought that my anxiety would be less this time. Just thinking about it scares me.

Why my child? These questions come up again and again.

Why does MY baby have to go through this?
Why can't MY baby just be a normal baby? He IS a normal baby! A normal baby who is missing some tissue in the roof of his mouth, that is all! He can eat! He can drink! WHY do I have to hand my sweet, happy boy over to these strangers and when he comes back to me is will be confused and look at me with that horrible, sad, confused "why?!" look.

I can't take it! I get ANGRY. He LOVES his bottle, WHY does he have to give it up and go to a sippy that he doesnt love? He loved his pacifier, but I had to take it away months before I would have any other baby. Why, right here at his 1st birthday, am I so unbelievably terrified that instead of spending his birthday with us, having fun, that we might be in a hospital and I will forever have the memory of his first birthday being one of the most terrifying days of my life, because that day I had to hand him over?

Ugh.

You have also given me the shield of your salvation: and your right hand has held me up, and your gentleness has made me great.
Psalm 18:35

Lord please give me strength. Give me knowledge. Shield me from my anger. Take it from me and help me to let it go! Lord please, please help me to be strong for my baby. For my family.

Please watch over our sweet happy boy. Please watch over the medical staff that will be peforming these procedure give them calm minds and steady hands.

Please help us get through over this hill...for we know we have many others to climb!

Amen