That is GOD

It is only July, but this has been one trying year for my family.

We’ve had heath scares with my Mom, before Easton was born we had some scares with his heart and kidney function and development, extended family members also had health scares. Two babies have been born; Easton has had some issues gaining weight. Before this year is over there will be surgeries and procedures. Emily had an ER visit. We have moved we had to live with my parents for a short time; I had to put Easton in daycare when I came back to work. We had a mouse infestation of our home, the first home we all had together as a family. Luke has taken a second job so we do not get to see him very often.

Emotionally I have had highs and lows; I attribute them to not only hormones but also high expectations and disappointment. Things have not turned out the way I thought they would. People have not reacted or behaved the way I expected them to.

But despite all the bad, the negative, the disappointment, the fear, the worries one thing has changed in me. I have gained more FAITH than I have ever had before. God hears me, he listens and he answers. He may not always give me the answer that I want, but HE does answer me and HE knows what is best for me. I know that at the end of the day, these health scares were just that, scares, we are all still here and healthy. I see my son every morning smiling at me as I get him ready for the day, and when I pick him up in the afternoons, he smiles at me. I feel an unconditional love for him unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and I know that is GOD. I may not see my husband much, 5 days a week, but he crawls in bed next to me every night, and there is a deep, passionate love between us that we share, that allows us to get through these long days where he is working so hard and I am taking care of Easton. That is GOD.

In the midst of my despair, when I felt helpless, when Luke and I didn’t know how to handle the idea that our son would have something “wrong” with him, GOD lead us to the right resources. I found a support group online, a group of mostly women, all mothers, who have helped me so much, and in helping me, have helped Luke. They have, even though I have never and may never meet them in person, become like family. That is GOD. My parents are amazing, they took us in and helped us out when we were desperate without issue, because they love us. That is GOD

My faith has grown so much in these last few months. I never knew that becoming a mother could be such a spiritual thing. I never knew how strong my faith could be, I never knew how my opinions and beliefs could change, for the better, just by becoming a mother. I guess I should have known, but I don’t think you can know that until it happens. That is GOD. I want to be better, live better, be more Christ-like, for my son.

I thank God everyday for this transformation that he is leading me through. I thank GOD every day for the people he has blessed me with in my life and for this journey. We have a lot more obstacles to overcome, but I know that GOD has our back.

It’s been a crazy 6+  months, and the next will be just as crazy, I suspect. Thank you GOD for these crazy times, for they show me, more than any other time, just how AWESOME YOU are!