Well, last week I made a decision and acted upon it which has kind of thrown my life up side down. After months and months of being unhappy and feeling slighted I quit my job. I just finally had enough and just made the phone call. I can't express enough how relieved I feel to be done with that place and knowing that I will no longer have to wake up with knots in my stomach not knowing what hell I would endure that day. I truly feel like after many nights of prayer and thinking long and hard about what I needed to do, I finally heard God's voice. I think he's probably been telling me all along what I needed to do but I havent truly been listening. I'm thankful that I have an amazing family and am so blessed with amazing friends in my life who have endured hours upon hours of constant complaining and whining from me. I have received so much support from these great people and have heard so much good advice and words of encouragement along the way. Hopefully now I am on a path to happiness, even if I am unemployed right now.
Friday was my last day at my job, I walked out of there with no regrets...except a slight feeling of "what now?!". I do not have a job, I have no income coming in, but it's OK I'll figure it out. I have a really scary interview next week and until I get a good paying job I'll hopefully find a temporary job doing something I've never done before, anything different, anything new, is welcomed.
It's time for change, change is happening. I'm scared out of my mind but I'm ready to do it. With these wonderful people that God has blessed me with in my life, I'll figure out what I need to do. I finally feel as though I can breathe again, and I feel like for the first time in a couple of years my life is in MY hands and I can be myself.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
All of now
All of now The bright sun shines in the clear blue sky. Shimmering waves glisten on a restless sea.
Beauty fills the world. Possibility fills your life.
The problems are real. Yet in each one is the opportunity to move forward.
This sparkling moment is one of a kind. Take it in with love and with gratitude, and remember to live it fully.
This magical mystery that is your life knows only the limits you choose to give it. In the heart of your spirit you can experience anything you decide to experience.
Life is in all of now. See it, feel it and know it as it fills you with wonder and joy
Beauty fills the world. Possibility fills your life.
The problems are real. Yet in each one is the opportunity to move forward.
This sparkling moment is one of a kind. Take it in with love and with gratitude, and remember to live it fully.
This magical mystery that is your life knows only the limits you choose to give it. In the heart of your spirit you can experience anything you decide to experience.
Life is in all of now. See it, feel it and know it as it fills you with wonder and joy
Friday, September 12, 2008
how
Luke 6
Jesus said to his disciples: "To you who hear, I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Stop judging and you won't be judged. Forgive and you will be forgiven."
I'm trying Lord to be forgiving, I'm trying to love my enemies and I am trying to do good to those who have hurt me, and most of all I really honestly amd trying to stay positive and upbeat. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to do. Why at this point in my life do I find it harder to be nice and fake to people than I ever have before? I'm really trying but my patience are being tested, my sanity is being tried and I feel like my overall self and peace of mind is being threatened. How much longer do I do this until I literally have a melt down and not one in private?
Jesus said to his disciples: "To you who hear, I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Stop judging and you won't be judged. Forgive and you will be forgiven."
I'm trying Lord to be forgiving, I'm trying to love my enemies and I am trying to do good to those who have hurt me, and most of all I really honestly amd trying to stay positive and upbeat. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to do. Why at this point in my life do I find it harder to be nice and fake to people than I ever have before? I'm really trying but my patience are being tested, my sanity is being tried and I feel like my overall self and peace of mind is being threatened. How much longer do I do this until I literally have a melt down and not one in private?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Optimism
Well I think things are starting to look up...
Just as the shit hit the fan and even though dark days are still looming, I saw a glimmer of sunlight at the end of the tunnel and in a week or so I just might be standing in that sunlight with the dark days behind me.
I need strength to be honest and true to myself and fair to myself thruogh these possible changes that I shall soon make.
I do want good things for them, even if they ahve wronged me and others. I hope they've learned a thing or two about working with people along this road. And ifnot, maybe they'll learn with the next one. Someday someone will come in who doesnt put up with it like I have.
The stress and dread is not gone yet, and it wont be until Im gone...but I can feel that it will be soon.
I'm tired of shedding tears over and losing sleep over it and worrying day in and day out about it. Eventually all of that dread and stress will be gone, and if all goes as planned that time will be soon.
On another note, I have come to realize more now than ever just how precious the relationships in my life are. No matter what I am mad, sad, happy, upset, excited about these people in my life, without any complaints otherwise, listen to me and then are mad, sad, happy, excited what ever with me. Thank you, all of you.
Just as the shit hit the fan and even though dark days are still looming, I saw a glimmer of sunlight at the end of the tunnel and in a week or so I just might be standing in that sunlight with the dark days behind me.
I need strength to be honest and true to myself and fair to myself thruogh these possible changes that I shall soon make.
I do want good things for them, even if they ahve wronged me and others. I hope they've learned a thing or two about working with people along this road. And ifnot, maybe they'll learn with the next one. Someday someone will come in who doesnt put up with it like I have.
The stress and dread is not gone yet, and it wont be until Im gone...but I can feel that it will be soon.
I'm tired of shedding tears over and losing sleep over it and worrying day in and day out about it. Eventually all of that dread and stress will be gone, and if all goes as planned that time will be soon.
On another note, I have come to realize more now than ever just how precious the relationships in my life are. No matter what I am mad, sad, happy, upset, excited about these people in my life, without any complaints otherwise, listen to me and then are mad, sad, happy, excited what ever with me. Thank you, all of you.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
True Patriotism
I dont know how many people watched John McCain's speech tonight at the RNC, but here it is.
http://www.gopconvention.com/videos/
If you don't want to watch the entire speech forward to about the 36-37 minute mark and listen to this AMERICAN Hero tell the story of his time in Vietnam as a POW and the men who saved him and kept him alive. How many people do you know would give up freedom and home for his country and the other prisoners with him who would be worse off if he left and he would feel as a coward? I dont know that I've ever met many people who had that kind of heart and love for his fellow Americans and friends.
We have the right to fight for and vote for whomever we choose. But I do hope that, like I, you take a good look at what you want in a President, I know I want a TRUE PATRIOT, and real American, someone who's been there and who loves this country and wants to see us succeed...Im not really very political but this man I believe is an amazing guy. Just watch it, see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye or make you feel slightly guilty for having not done anything .000001% at brave as he has.
http://www.gopconvention.com/videos/
If you don't want to watch the entire speech forward to about the 36-37 minute mark and listen to this AMERICAN Hero tell the story of his time in Vietnam as a POW and the men who saved him and kept him alive. How many people do you know would give up freedom and home for his country and the other prisoners with him who would be worse off if he left and he would feel as a coward? I dont know that I've ever met many people who had that kind of heart and love for his fellow Americans and friends.
We have the right to fight for and vote for whomever we choose. But I do hope that, like I, you take a good look at what you want in a President, I know I want a TRUE PATRIOT, and real American, someone who's been there and who loves this country and wants to see us succeed...Im not really very political but this man I believe is an amazing guy. Just watch it, see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye or make you feel slightly guilty for having not done anything .000001% at brave as he has.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Are you sure it's not Monday?
Well, yes, Im sure it's not monday, at least the calendar says it's tuesday, it sure feels like a Monday though, doesnt it?
I'm not feeling work today, thats why, instead of working I am blogging :) Yes you read that right, Im skipping out on work to blog, like none of you ahve ever done that before :)
Well I didn't sleep again last night and these mid afternoon headaches are getting to be too much. I know they're from the lack of sleep Im getting and it's my body telling me to lay down and take a nap. I'm pretty sure though, that the people who already dislike me at work, wouldn't take too kindly to my sleeping during the afternoon, even though that would be much more productive then what I have been doing lately anyway :)
Well I was sent this today in an email and I find the words in it to bring me comfort I printed it out and plan to pray this prayer everytime I feel down or beaten. I hope they can brighten or help someone else too...
Dear Lord, My focus has been on my circumstances instead of on You. Today, I chose to put my trust in You. I believe that You are aware of my situation and are working on my behalf. Fill my soul with peace and help me to rest in Your care. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I'm not feeling work today, thats why, instead of working I am blogging :) Yes you read that right, Im skipping out on work to blog, like none of you ahve ever done that before :)
Well I didn't sleep again last night and these mid afternoon headaches are getting to be too much. I know they're from the lack of sleep Im getting and it's my body telling me to lay down and take a nap. I'm pretty sure though, that the people who already dislike me at work, wouldn't take too kindly to my sleeping during the afternoon, even though that would be much more productive then what I have been doing lately anyway :)
Well I was sent this today in an email and I find the words in it to bring me comfort I printed it out and plan to pray this prayer everytime I feel down or beaten. I hope they can brighten or help someone else too...
Dear Lord, My focus has been on my circumstances instead of on You. Today, I chose to put my trust in You. I believe that You are aware of my situation and are working on my behalf. Fill my soul with peace and help me to rest in Your care. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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